I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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