OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Randomize
