And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
