U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
