just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
