I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
His hands were made for my vagina.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
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