I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
