Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
