Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
