I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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