so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
