the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
