yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I just want nice things and good sex
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
