My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I skipped work to stalk him.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
not ubering you a puppy
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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