Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
