I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
