I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
