I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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