i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
