you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
