Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize