her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
BRING THE BAGELS
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