dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
