i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize