sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
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