Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I just blew my weed a kiss
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
