Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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