just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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