Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
