I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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