i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
