Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize