his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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