can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
