I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Still dying that you shit outside
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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