At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Your penis caused this!
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
