its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
