Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
