I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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