I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
my shit smells like andre
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
We are two peas in an std pod
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize