Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
