He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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