Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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