i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Randomize
