your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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