is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
