Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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