How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
