Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
