Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
