Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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