Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
