Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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