does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I just had sex on a roof
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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