remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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