he puts the penis in happiness.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
It's blow job season.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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