Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
