She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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