my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Why is your signature on my underwear?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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