I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
