i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
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