i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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