did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
