He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
