Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
