Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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