Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
