separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
