Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
