I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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