So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You can't just leave with hair like that
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
