Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
