We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize