We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Randomize
