The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
