I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize