Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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