i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
