Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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