Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
It was like getting head from an anaconda
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Text me some of your sweat
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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