Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
