I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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