Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
