I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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