We're like a lot better than the average bears
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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