Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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