You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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