ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
