pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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