If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
