Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
