She said her name was "party"
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
