yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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