If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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