moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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