Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
