i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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