Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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