You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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