I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
