i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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